WILLFULL IGNORANCE

“How could you not know that you were gay until you were 40!

” I’m asked this question frequently, particularly by disbelieving men who have “always known.” But I was totally ignorant. James P. Carse, in The Religious Case against Belief, describes three kinds of ignorance: Ordinary Ignorance Willful Ignorance Higher Ignorance Ordinary Ignorance Ordinary ignorance is a lack of knowledge, and is common to all of us. It is knowledge about something which could be known, but may be of little use or interest. For example, “Where was the hottest recorded temperature in the world? ” If I wanted to know that I could, and I would probably Google it to find the answer. So far, though, I just don’t care. Sometimes we are asked, “What do gay men do when they have sex? ” If you really want to know, you can; it is know-able. Willful Ignorance Willful ignorance is the attempt to avoid clear and available knowledge, especially when that knowledge might lead to undesirable consequences. Examples would include questions about global warming and evolution. That’s why I didn’t know I was gay until I was 40. Carse says “beliefs” are based upon willful ignorance. Often, one voice speaks for all with dogmatic certainty, alleging to have definitive answers. It restricts thought to narrow boundaries and discourages discourse. I once went to a church where the preacher was speaking about the story of Jonah and the fish. (He had already established with dogmatic certainty that it was a fish, not a whale. ) He then said, “And, if you do not believe that Jonah could reach out and touch the insides of the belly of that fish, you are not a Christian.” No room for questioning or invitation to discussion. Carse says that beliefs are fervently held and encourage hostility toward non- believers. Think: Crusades. Think: George Bush, “Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.” If you do not agree with us, you are our enemy. “Homosexuality is an abomination” is another example. Believers construct an identity, erect boundaries, become locked into conflict rather than dialogue, and foster aggression toward those who think differently. To be balanced and fair, to say that anyone who does not support gay rights is “homophobic” does precisely the same thing. It is a label used by self- identified gay people which sets a boundary and fosters conflict. It labels “the others” as suffering from a neurosis. Isn’t that the same thing that gay people objected to when they were called sick and perverted? Before I accepted being gay, I partitioned off any same sex attractions. Like me, many who come out as older men use willful ignorance as a way of avoiding both the perceived and real consequences of accepting this knowledge. Higher Ignorance Higher ignorance is seeking knowledge while at the same time recognizing that some truths are unknowable. It promotes contemplation, dialogue and interpretation. The research project in which I have been engaged has led to knew understandings, but it falls infinitely short of the whole truth about mature men with same sex attraction. As knowledge evolves, it raises more questions; it promotes opportunities for further discourse. Your comments are welcomed to expand our knowledge as we seek the unknowable truths.